Top 5 Best Moments When TV Censored Movie Swear Words

Ah, swearing. It is the spice of life. It is like burping, but not as cool. I remember when we were little, my mother used to give us quarters to hear us cuss. In hindsight, that probably wasn’t the best. Either way, there is a genius somewhere who has the job of censoring words for TV broadcast. Some are amazing. Others are…well just check out the list of the greatest times swear words in movies were censored for TV.

5) Snakes on a Plane (2006)

The line:

“I have had it with these monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane!”

I struggled to put this one higher. On the one hand, it is a really fun version of the line. On the other, the whole movie is simply ridiculous. So it matches the overall tone of the film. Monkey fighting snakes should be the sequel to the original.

4) Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)

The line:

“Forget White Castle, let’s go get some privates!”

I don’t remember much about this movie, but use your imagination to guess what word privates is replacing. I’ll give you a hint, it doesn’t rhyme with flick. But the thought of going out to get some privates sounds like something a bunch of choirboys would say before heading out to Khol’s in order to meet some women.

3) Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)

The line:

“Pardon my French, but you’re an AARDVARK!”

At first glance, this one seems like it might be accurate. I wouldn’t put it past Cameron to casually call people aardvarks. Actually, calling someone an aardvark might be more menacing than the original term used in the movie. Just maybe.

2) Robocop (1987)

The line:

“Ladies, leave.”

Classic. The way Red Foreman delivers this line is awesome. In the original, he isn’t nearly as nice. But to break into a coke party filled with women and politely ask the ladies to leave? Now that is a classic that I’d buy for a dollar.

1) The Big Lebowski (1998)

The line:

“This is what happens, Larry! This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!”

One day, I will go to the Alps and discover a stranger. Then I will understand what happens the same way Larry does. I like the original line better, but there is something of an ongoing mystery as to why finding a stranger in the alps results in your car getting decimated.

Top 5 Family Sci-Fi/Adventure Movies

We got into a conversation about doing a top 5 sci-fi movies episode for the podcast. I was dismayed as the idea of ranking a broad slate of sci-fi films would be really difficult. How do you compare something like Alien vs E.T.? Truth be told, even doing a family list brings its own difficulties as this could include anything from Back to the Future to Star Wars. But for the sake of this list, I wanted to focus on movies that starred or featured a family, not just something that was family friendly. Oh Hell, I’ll be honest, I just wanted to write a list so I can talk about the following movies:

5) Mom and Dad Save the World (1992)

This list is going to cover a lot of ground. But what is more ‘family’ than a mom and dad saving the world? This is the ultimate end to the debate of “my dad can beat up your dad”. Because none of that matters if your dad can’t best Jon Lovitz in intergalactic battle.

4) Jumanji (1995)

A brother, a sister, some dead parents. A recipe for family success. Throw in some monkeys, some mysterious drum noises, and some wildly hair Robin Williams….and viola. Success. Love me some Jumanji.

3) Stay Tuned (1992)

Another well-to-do set of parents jetsetting through a world of fantasy in order to achieve salvation. John Ritter is stellar as always. Plus we get Jeffrey Jones and Eugene Levy. This movie both intrigued me and terrified me as a child. But there is something so cool about the idea of being sucked into the TV.

2) Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989)

Repeat after me. Rick. Moranis. Now try not to laugh thinking about the goofball Wayne Szalinski. I love the concept of this mild, reserved father creating this shrinking device that puts his children in mortal danger. This is a true science fiction flick that focuses on the plight of the parents, as well as the children.

1) Back to the Future (1985)

There is no way this couldn’t be included. At first, I wasn’t going to feature it…but then I thought about this film as a whole. It is kind of the ultimate family film featuring a family. Everything that Marty does, he does for his family. And they are featured in the present and the past in a unique way.

Top 5 Kids Martial Arts Movies

For some reason, the world used to have a fetish for putting children into brutal martial arts competitions. Maybe it was some sort of cross promotion with Panda Express to sell more dry orange chicken. Who knows. But throughout the 80s and 90s, we couldn’t get enough of watching kids fight one another or kids utilizing ancient techniques to foil adults. Whatever, here is the list:

5) Sidekicks (1992)

This little winner of a film featured the likes of Chuck Norris, and followed a bullied little wimp kid who dreamed of martial arts greatness. I’m surprised his name isn’t Charlie. But it is a cool movie by the guy who directed the Walker: Texas Ranger made for TV movie.

4) Three Ninjas (1992)

The title of this film cuts right to the core of the story. It has THREE ninjas in it. Get it? And they are kids. So that means they are instantly better than adults. This film launched into a full franchise which saw four total movies and ended with a 1998 film starring Hulk Hogan and luscious Loni Anderson.

3) Surf Ninjas (1993)

What if I told you that you can watch a movie that stars Rob Schneider, Tone Loc, and Leslie Nielsen. Comic gold! 1992 and 1993 were big years for martial arts movies aimed at children. But for me, Surf Ninjas was clearly the superior film of the bunch. The story was a little bit better, the actors were a little bit bigger, and the promotional tie-ins were a little bit more Game Geary.

2) The Karate Kid (1984)

You can’t have a kid’s karate movie list without the grandad film of Karate Kid. Some of the previous films had higher, more international stakes. But there is something undeniably similar to a story about a nerdy Charlie kid learning karate to gain the upper hand over his bullies. Oh wait. Damn you Sidekicks.

1) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Is this a stretch at number one? No. It’s not. This is the reason you scream “hiya” when you chop something. This is the reason you trained with a bow staff in the backyard. This is the reason why your favorite color probably coincides with your favorite turtle. Between the toys, comics, cartoon, and video games, TMNT was an martial arts obsession shared by many. Also, a future episode for sure.

Top 5 Best Puke Scenes in Movies

Puking. It is like burping with attitude. Whether you chuck, scrounge, barf, vomit, or straight up yodel, your body is working to move nasties out of itself. When it happens in life, it sucks. When it happens in movies, it is glorious. With that said, the Top 5 Best Puke Scenes in Movies:

5) I Love You, Man (2009)

I think this is the first time we get to touch on Paul Rudd. While this movie is a little out of our normal scope of time, it needed to be included for its pure hilarity. Also, that volume and velocity.

4) Kingpin (1996)

We have all done things we regret for money. Here, Roy Munson makes the ultimate sacrifice. But hey, he got that month’s rent free. I’m honestly impressed with the sheer volume he rewards the toilet with.

3) Problem Child 2 (1991)

Ah yes. This scene is the reason I got into writing. I find everything about this movie fascinating. But the fact that Junior pranks the hell out of so many people and turns them into a barfnado is pure awesomeness.

2) Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)

This is comic gold, and totally wouldn’t hold up in today’s modern/progressive society (pronounced: stupid). Regardless, upon finding out that Einhorn is a man, Ace goes through one hell of a journey to rid his body of the cooties.

1) The Amityville Horror (1979)

Honestly, it was hard to select a top pick for this. Puke scenes are like pizza…even when its bad, it’s good. With that, I put my favorite as number one. Just listen to this beotch retch bloody murder. Sheesh. Someone give her a mint after this performance.

Top 5 Toys Based on Movies

Movies are like butts, everybody loves them. They are so inspirational (movies, not butts). But what happens when someone is so inspired by a movie that they create a toy line based on that film? We get some really cool and fun action figures, that’s what. This was a difficult list to concoct because there were so many great officially licensed products in the 90s. But these were my favorite:

5) Demolition Man

First of all, Demolition Man is a great movie. It is a tale as old as time. Good vs. Evil and all that jazz. And what’s better is that it is Sylvester Stallone vs. Wesley Snipes. These toys were great because they were sturdy and one version of Simon Phoenix came with a flame thrower!

4) Hook

Such a fun bunch of action figures. I loved this set because there were so many options. No matter which Lost Boy you identified with, there was a toy for you. Bangarang!

3) Beetlejuice

Just what everyone wants…an Alec Baldwin action figure. He is appropriate for girls and ladies. I think everyone loves him. At least, most everyone. Plus, for some reason there was an Otho action figure.

2) Police Academy

For some reason, I not only love this movie, but I love these action figures. There were just so many of them. And my neighbor had them all. I was so jealous. I used to borrow them. How crazy is that? I used to borrow Steve Guttenberg from my neighbor.

1) Jurassic Park

This one is near and dear to my heart. These action figures included Jeff Goldblum, Sam Neil, and a buff Wayne Knight. Seriously, for some reason he was muscular…and cool looking. It would be like if Rambo were your IT guy.

Top 5 Movie Character Names

I think everyone on Earth has a name. And if you don’t, someone will probably call you “buddy” or “tiger”. But what about the world of cinema? So much goes into creating memorable characters, but even more time can be spent defining their background by giving them a memorable name. For the most part, I write a character first and then let them name themselves. Seems reasonable, right? So with the right amount of adieu, here are my Top 5 Favorite Movie Character Names:

5) Cole Trickle (Days Of Thunder, 1990)

This name is funny because it sounds dirty. It is such a powerful, yet goofy name. And its awesomeness is only amplified by the fact Cole Trickle is portrayed by Tom Cruise (not Tom Kruse, inventor of Hoveround).

4) Stanley Ipkiss (The Mask, 1994)

This name always made me LOL out loud as a kid. Not sure why. Maybe because Ipkiss sounds like UpDog. What’s UpDog? Nothing, what’s up with you?

3) Packard Walsh (The Wraith, 1986) 

Possibly one of the coolest movies ever (and a future episode for sure), The Wraith is filled with cool names. Rughead, Skank, Gutterboy…but there is only one name tougher than all the rest. Packard. Walsh. Such a great name for such a great villain.

2) Indiana Jones (Raiders of the Lost Ark, 1981)

This kind of seems like a no-brainer. Who names their kid Indiana. Don’t fret, I know the backstory. But his name could just as easily be Alabama Norris. Or Mississippi Franklin. Or Tennessee Williams.

Let’s take a breather as this list was more difficult to conjure up than I thought it would. I will preface my number one pick by saying, “I know there are a lot of names out there. Like smells, everyone has one.” Yeah, whatever. I could have gone the easy route and made Shaft my number one. Or even Christmas Jones. Instead…

1) Buckaroo Banzai (The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, 1984)

I’m a sucker for Peter Weller. Did you know that there was a football player for the Chicago Bears nicknamed “RoboCop” for looking like Alex Murphy. Who knew! Anyways, who names their kid Buckaroo. And how do you get the last name Banzai. I feel like he should be a DLC character in the Karate Kid universe.

Leave me your love or hate for your favorite or least favorite names!

Top 5 90’s Teen Slasher Films

We have a special episode we are talking all things 90’s slasher films!  We debated over the top 5 for more than an hour this was no easy feat. Listen in as we break them down one by one. You can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Googleplay, Castbox and YouTube. Click here to listen.

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Top 5 John Hughes Movies w/Chris Clews

This week we are going through the near impossible task of making a top 5 list of John Hughes directed or written films. Joining us on the podcast is author Chris Clews @80spopculture Fair warning these list may trigger you and if they do of course tweet all your hate to @unjustjustin Subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcast, GooglePlay, Castbox and YouTube. Click here to Listen.

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Follow Chris: @80spopculture

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