We are back and shootin’ the manure about life, upcoming trip to Disney, food and all of our plans for the month of March. Subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Castbox, IGTV and YouTube. Click here to listen.
There is no way around the following statement. And that statement is this: Billy Zane is amazing. Honestly, that’s all I need to say. I shouldn’t have to say any more. But because our robot overlords demand that content be long and serve a purpose, I will do this the right way. Allow me to introduce you to “Billy Zane’s Top 5 Roles”!
5). Titanic (1997)
So here is the thing. Those of you who have listened to the show for a while will know that I have never seen this movie. Conversely, Kyle has seen it a girly amount of times. Despite his love and my loathe, we can agree that Billy Zane plays one heck of a villain in this movie.
4). Sniper (1993)
Uhm, have you seen this movie? If you haven’t, stop what you are doing right now and go watch it. Even if you are watching it right now, stop the movie, rewind it, and start it over. And if you think I’m kidding, know that Zane plays an Olympic medalist and SWAT team sharpshooter. So there.
3). Zoolander (2001)
Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he’s a cool dude! Yeah, no duh he is a cool dude. And he shouldn’t be trifled with. I can only hope that one day my life will be cool enough to have Billy Zane as my friend, and to have him give me advice.
2). Back to the Future Part I & II (1985, 1989)
When life gives you lemons, cast Billy Zane. And that’s what happened in 1985 when the world was graced with Mr. Billy Zane’s first acting experience. What a way to make a splash in this world. A great movie with a beautiful man. Check out the full review of Back to the Future and Back to the Future Part II.
1). The Phantom (1996)
This one is for Marty Johnson. And he knows why. It’s not just because of the purple spandex. Or the boy horse. Honestly, I have tried watching this movie on three separate occasions. And each time I fell asleep. It is a phenomenon. I can’t explain it. It is beyond explanation. Has anyone survived watching this movie?
Matthew is a decent name. It isn’t really an interesting name. But it’s not a boring name. There are enough variations to make it exciting. Whether you are a Matt, a Matty, a Matthew, or Mattothy, there is a space for you in this world. So here we go, here are my Top 5 Favorite Matthews.
5. Matthew Lillard
Easily the most fascinating Matthew on this list. His movies are a treat, that’s for sure. Did you know he is still making money off of voicing Shaggy for Scooby-Doo cartoons? And here I thought he was working at Burger King. Oh yeah, and he was in Scream!
4. Matthew Broderick
If you don’t believe me that M’Brod is cool enough, check out his Top 5 Movies. But, as an actor, he is really rad. I think he stands 5’8. That means he is taller than Martin Short. Not that it matters, but now you know.
3. Mathew McConaughey
Alright, alright. So this dude is kind of weird and goofy. Sometimes he is a good actor. Other times he was in “Failure to Launch”. Either way, he is a hard worker and his name is Matthew. Plus those car commercials and that Wild Turkey!
2. Matthew Damon
Not to be confused with Meth Damon. This particular Matthew has been kicking the dirt for a while. His resume includes a lot of solid films. Some people don’t like him. But some people also don’t like pizza. So what does that tell you?
1. Mathew Perry
Wait…what? Matthew Perry at number 1? That’s damn right. And it’s not because of “Friends”. I don’t like that show. There, I said it. I feel like Kyle probably does. But does he like Matthew Perry? Tweet at him and find out!
So Freddie Prinze Jr. is a cool dude. There is no way around it. He isn’t as cool as Billy Zane (but nobody is). Anyways, Freddie has had a pretty interesting acting career. Some of his movies are regarded as classics, while others are regarded as lawn clippings. In any regard, let’s distill his career into a top five list because…why not.
5). Wing Commander (1999)
Well, I have never seen this movie. But it has to be good because FPJ is in it.
4). Scooby-Doo (2002)
Yes Dave, I know. This isn’t actually a good movie. But Scooby-Doo was my favorite as a kid so I cheesed all over this movie when it came out. FPJ plays an excellent Fred (just like in real life).
3). Summer Catch (2001)
Uhm, if you played a sport in high school, this is probably a pretty cool movie. It has music and romance and FPJ. I’m starting to see a trend. Every movie that has our boy Freddie in it is fantastic. It doesn’t even have to be good to be great.
2). I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)
It’s true. I do know. But I’m not telling. This features a young Freddie, but his eyebrows wear the weight of the world. It is spooky and filled with teenage angst. If you want to know more about it, listen to our review of the film.
1). She’s All That (1999)
Yes she is. And yes he is. For some reason, we haven’t reviewed this movie. Or have we? I don’t really remember. It’s really a cool movie and I enjoy the story, the acting, and the music.
For some reason, I haven’t written in article in a couple of weeks. Sorry Charlie. Not sorry, because I hate Charlie. Anyways, a request came to my attention from Pantomime Dark Dave to do a list in the vein of his namesake. So I figured, why not. And with that, I bring you the top actors named Dave (or David).
5. David Schwimmer
To be fair, I hate David Schwimmer. Everything about him is punchable. From his face to his voice. Actually, why did I do this to myself? Now I can hear him talking. He is haunting me and I hate it. I hate you Dave for making me make this list.
4. David Spade
Wait. I don’t like David Spade either. What in the world? Why am I doing this to myself. There are so many better Davids out there. I need to whip this list into shape fast. Screw you DAVE!
3. David Krumholtz
Hmm. An interesting pick, if I do say so myself. I don’t hate him. But he is in a movie with one of the Worst Charlies. So now I am thinking about Charlie from Santa Clause. Damn it all, Dave. What is wrong with you? This is all your fault. You’ve ruined a perfectly good David.
2. David Hyde Pierce
Here, a safe pick. A great actor from a great show. There is no way Dave can ruin this pick. Actually, Dave likes Frasier. Wait, do you like Frasier? I think you do. You better. If you don’t, I will shoot a rocket through your bedroom window. Fart, I just don’t know what is reality any more.
1. David Duchovny
David Duchovny, why don’t you love me? There is no way Dave can ruin this pick. Duchovny is the perfect David. Everything about him, his style, his voice…wait…this is making me wistful. WISTFUL!
This was probably the most challenging lists I have ever created. Not because there was a lot of competition. But because of the sheer lack of famous Martins. To be fair, I did consider any person named Marty as well. But found there to be more characters named Marty than real people (Marty McFly, Marty Johnson). I also wish I could have included Martin Crane. Alas, he didn’t make the cut. But these people did!
5) Martin Sheen
From Apocalypse Now to The Departed, Sheen’s career has spanned a few decades. He is responsible for the birth of some other famous people. And he is a flashy silver fox. I would guess that he probably smells great and has a proper appreciation for fine scotch.
4) Martin Short
Short isn’t really short. I mean, he is below average. He definitely is not tall. But really, he just isn’t that short. Maybe his parents are short. Or his grandparents. I kind of actually like Martin Short. I think he is funny. When I was young, we used to watch The Three Amigos all the time. That should be a future episode. What do you think?
3) Martin Lawrence
Martin. Martin! MARTIN! Damn Gina. Martin Lawrence’s acting range hits from action to comedy. And to be fair, he is hilarious in action movies and menacing in comedy flicks. Wait, that can’t be right? Oh who cares. Black Knight!
2) Martin Freeman
Hmm. Martin Freeman is the same height as Martin Short. That doesn’t seem fair. Wait. Martin Lawrence is the same height as well. This can’t be accurate, can it? Oh my gosh. Upon further investigation, so is Martin Sheen. Maybe I should have just done a list of my favorite people who are 5’7.
1) Martin Starr
Oh darn. He isn’t the same height as all the other Martins. Oh well. I guess that makes sense as to why he is the top Martin. He is the tallest. I saw him once at a convention. I smiled, but he was looking in the other direction. So I count that as a better time than when I met Lou Ferrigno.
Michael is more than just a movie about John Travolta’s life. it is also a name that many people have. And among the many people are these 5 amazing actors. Picking a top list of actors named Michael was quite difficult. And no, Chad Michael Murray did not make the list.
5) Michael Gross
One of America’s favorite dads. This Michael comes in a bearded version or a mustached version. Select Michael Gross’ include a clean shaven face. I don’t know if I like him better on Family Ties or from Tremors. Either way, that’s gross. No. That’s Michael Gross.
4) Michael Myers
Oh, behave. Have we covered a Mike Myers movie? I mean, we did Halloween, but does that count? I always thought he was a funny actor, but I never fully understood him. He isn’t wirey like Jim Carrey, and he isn’t off the wall like Robin Williams. And yet, here he is…included with this list.
I feel like Keaton is hitting his stride with each year that passes. I mean, those eyebrows…right? He is a perfect villain. Just like when he was the bad guy in Mr. Mom. Wait, am I remembering that correctly?
2) Michael Shannon
This is a vanity pick for me. I happen to think Michael Shannon is a tremendous actor. From film to TV, he has done an excellent job of portraying dramatic and menacing characters. Plus, I met him once and happen to know that he likes fried mac n’ cheese balls.
1) Michael J. Fox
Come on. He had to be number one. He is one of the greatest Michaels in the world. He has brought so much joy and love to the world. And in case you didn’t know, the name of our podcast is based on Back to the Future. Little factoid for ya!
Can you believe we have gone this whole time and not once talked about Val Kilmer? I can’t believe it either. What a human that Kilmer is. He has a long resume of fantastic films, but I feel that he is underrated. What movies are his finest? Buckle up and find the f*ck out.
5) The Doors (1991)
I’m a sucker for The Doors. And Val Kilmer does an excellent job as Jim Morrison. Oliver Stone put together a great product here and it warmly tells the tragic tale of one of the greatest bands ever.
4) Tombstone (1993)
Hello, Doc Holliday. If you like westerns, then this movie is for you. Riveting performances come from not only Kilmer, but Kurt Russell, Sam Elliott, and Bill Pullman Paxton. Wyatt Earp never seemed cooler than he did in this film.
3) Willow (1988)
Honestly, I forgot Val Kilmer was in this movie until I started to research for this article. Willow was one of my favorite movies as a child. And rewatching it as an adult and truly appreciating Kilmer’s work is a triumph. Written by George Lucas and directed by Ron Howard. It’s a home run through and through.
2) Top Gun (1986)
This is probably your mom’s favorite movie. Kilmer is the epitome of cool in this flick. I mean, his name is Ice Man. Your name is probably something stupid like Dave or Hank (sorry Dave). I can honestly say that I am not excited about there being a sequel to this movie.
1) Batman Forever (1995)
It simply had to be. People underestimate how great of a performance Val Kilmer pulls off as Bruce Wayne and Batman. It’s difficult because the iconic role is really two roles. An actor has to be able to play the calm Wayne, as well as the dynamic dynamo that is Batman. Michael Keaton did a great job as well. But for me, Kilmer is the definitive Batman. There, I said it. All hate mail can go directly to Kyle.
Matthew Broderick. He’s a man. He practices karate and once killed some people. Not because of karate. It was an unfortunate accident and I’m sure it still haunts him. Either way, he is a pretty cool actor and these are movies he was in. But not just any movies. These are the Top 5 Matthew Broderick movies. And to be fair, I’m not including Lion King because he was just the voice and didn’t actually portray a lion.
5) Inspector Gadget (1999)
True, Broderick is the second best actor to play Inspector Gadget (behind screen legend French Stewart). And that is the only reason why I am including this as my number five. I wanted to make a French Stewart joke. And I did. And I’m satisfied.
4) Cable Guy (1996)
I actually really like this movie. I think it is underrated and think that the combination of performances from Jim Carrey and Matthew Broderick make for a unique stew. Mix in some Owen Wilson, Ben Stiller, and Jack Black…and you have some 90s gold.
3) Glory (1989)
Obligatory serious movie. But it isn’t without its merit. We had to watch this in school. And guess what? I actually enjoyed it so much that I have watched it out of school. While I am a sucker for history, this movie stands out for its quality acting and sweet soundtrack. Broderick really showed his ‘A’ game with this one.
2) Godzilla (1998)
I bet you thought this would be number one. But it’s not. Roland Emmerich brought together one of the top three Godzilla films of the last 20 years. Everything about this movie oozes 90s. From the soundtrack to the cast. Broderick does his best with what he is given. And he stands out like a flashlight in a basement. Plus his name is Dr. Niko “Nick” Tatopoulos. Darn, I should have included him on the list of Best Character Names.
1) Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)
This is pretty much the role and character that defined Matthew Broderick’s career. At least I think so. He probably battled the stereotype of “being” Ferris Bueller for a long time, but there is nothing wrong with that. I think everyone wanted to be Ferris (or Abe Froman for that matter).